Come what may, and love it.

I've probably done the biggest regrets, in the past 24 hours than I EVER have.

I was told a certain spirit -- one of evil-- loved to stay in my room. The source who told me was someone who I trust, and is probably one of the most spiritual people I know. This person told me that they heard this spirit, Aaron, speaking ill. He just kept going on, and was trying to convince of the devaluation to those around him, and namely me. I was told by this person that he, the spirit, loves to just spew words of disguting, degrading manner. And this person told me that if I ever felt like I was worth nothing, or my friends weren't good, or I felt like they weren't much to me, to tell Aaron to go away. I didn't realize until I woke up this morning, and had the SAME, disgusting, putrid thoughts go through my head, that I was being taunted by this spirit. I turned while putting my hair in a ponytail and said "Aaron, go wallow in your misery, but do it outside of my room. You are not welcome here." I then broke down from guilt, grief, and sorrow... and just cried for a few minutes. When I got to work I got there 30 minutes early. I took a 24 pack of cans of beer, and sat on in, and read my Book of Mormon, until I had to clock in. And that sustained my emotions from overflowing, by giving me a boost to make it through out the day.

While at work I thought of each person who I had hurt severely yesterday. I thought of different scenarios as to how this will all turn out to be... And I'd like to share them.
Mari:
#1. I go to her house, tell her I'm sorry, but of course.. sob the whole time... And she would step away from me, and say "I'm sorry, but it's going to take some time."
#2. I ask Mari to come over to help with a gift for someone, and then say sorry. She would give me a hug and tell me she still loves me.
Jessica:
#1. Call her and, of course I'd be crying.. like I have been 75% of today.. And have her hang up on me.
#2. Get on IM, tell her how truly, and deeply sorry I am, and have her say "I still love you. But it's going to take some time to forgive you... But I do love you."
Sis.Trotter:
#1. Call her and apologize, and have her yell whatever she'd like at me, and I'd accept and feel that I do deserve such things.
#2. Go to Arkansas within the next few weeks, go to Sis.Trotters, ask her to hear me out, and to go on a walk with me, where I'd pour out my grief, and sorrow, and shame... I'd apologize and I'd be able to be at least welcome to their home.
Sis.Scott:
#1.Call her and tell her how truly sorry I am, and seek for any (If she's willing to share) advice from her as to what I should do though I have hurt her, and her family. I reckoned she'd be Sis.Scott, and give me a few words of advice, along with a few words of honesty about how horrid it was of me to do such things.
#2. Go to Arkansas within the next few weeks, and have her and Jessica go on a walk with me... half way on the walk, I'd ask to just have Jessica to talk to, and have Sis.Scott return, where I'd later thank her graciously.
Heather:
#1. Call her phone, and speak to her personally, hear her side of the story, tell my side, and express my aching pain, and sorrow and overwhelming guilt for being so selfish, and ask her forgiveness... She'd hang up on me, but would have at least listened.
#2. Go up to Arkansas, and tell her personally, I'm sorry. She'd be understanding, but tell me that it'll take some time. But that she still loves me.
David:
#1. IM him on facebook, and hear his opinion, I'd tell him what I thought, but I'd try to listen to the wisdom he seems to be overflowing with. He'd be angry, and might get offline... but at least he'd talk to me.
#2. Go to Arkansas ASAP, and personally pour out my soul to him, of everything I'm sorry for towards him, where he'd then say "You still have much to learn"... But he'd also tell me he loves me still.

The difference between each one had my doubt, and guilt running hay-wire... Needless to say, I was very busy, and got much accomplished at work today, because I had so much on my mind.

I realize how stupid I am, and that I am going to have to change to gain these wonderful people's trust, and love back... And I'm going to. I promise you I will. I also wrote each person a personal letter today. I plan to mail them in hope that it'll do some good... As I feel I'll never be welcome in the Ozark/Clarksville area, again.

I love them all very much, and actually made a video about EACH of them the other day... And.. I can tell that Aaron worked hard with me, because I had this overwhelming coat of gratitude for them, just Sunday.

I hope they can love and forgive me again, but until then... Come what may... And I will love it. For I know that this experience will teach me much, and will help me grow to become better.

Thank you David and Mari for talking with me, and helping me see so much... Thank you. I love you all, and I can only say that I'd have to be possessed with the darkest of words to ever say such as that... I will be stronger, and I will be better. I will never, and I promise you, never say something like that again. And I will never hurt you, purposefully, like this, ever again. Thank you for giving me the time I've already had, to be so close, and to have you as such wonderful friends, and guidance's... You are all wonderful examples, and I'm sorry I couldn't be as much back to you. One day I promise I will be better, and I will make it up to you, what you have been, and done for me.

I will always be here, no matter what trials may come... I will press forward and have faith that I will get to where I want to be. And need to be. There is no trial too hard, that could shake the very grounds of Zion our friendship as a gang has been built upon. Though I may be at one end for now, with you at the other... We are still in the same place.

I love you all. Jessica, I love you. And I am so sorry. Mari, I love you. And I'm sorry. Sis.Trotter, I do love, and look up to you. And I am truly, thoroughly sorry. Sis.Scott, I love you! And I am so sorry about all of this. Heather, I really do love you. And I'm sorry I've hurt you. David, I am SO so sorry. And I love you so dearly, and always will.

If we approach adversities wisely, our hardest times can be times of greatest growth, which in turn can lead toward times of greatest happiness. --Joseph B. Wirthlin

But the dial on the wheel of sorrow eventually points to each of us. At one time or another, everyone must experience sorrow. No one is exempt.-- Joseph B. Wirthlin

Unity

As we consider the unity required for Zion to flourish, we should ask ourselves if we have overcome jarrings, contentions, envyings, and strifes (see D&C 101:6). Are we individually and as a people free from strife and contention and united "according to the union required by the law of the celestial kingdom"? (D&C 105:4). Forgiveness of one another is essential to this unity. Jesus said, "I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men" (D&C 64:10).

We will become of one heart and one mind as we individually place the Savior at the center of our lives and follow those He has commissioned to lead us. We can unite with President Thomas S. Monson in love and concern for one another. In general conference last April, President Monson spoke to those estranged from the Church and to all of us when he said: "In the private sanctuary of one's own conscience lies that spirit, that determination to cast off the old person and to measure up to the stature of true potential. In this spirit, we again issue that heartfelt invitation: Come back. We reach out to you in the pure love of Christ and express our desire to assist you and to welcome you into full fellowship. To those who are wounded in spirit or who are struggling and fearful, we say, Let us lift you and cheer you and calm your fears" ("Looking Back and Moving Forward," Liahona and Ensign, May 2008, 90).

At the end of July this year, young single adults from several countries in eastern Europe gathered outside Budapest, Hungary, for a conference. Among this group were 20 young men and women from Moldova who had spent days obtaining passports and visas and over 30 hours traveling by bus to get there. The conference program included some 15 workshops. Each person needed to select the two or three that he or she most wanted to attend. Rather than focus exclusively on their own interests, these Moldovan young adults got together and made plans so that at least one of their group would be in each class and take copious notes. Then they would share what they had learned with each other and later with the young adults in Moldova who could not attend. In its simplest form, this exemplifies the unity and love for one another that, multiplied thousands of times in different ways, will "bring again Zion" (Isaiah 52:8).